Three Minutes Inside the Head of an Everyday Mom

“Three Minutes Inside the Head of an Everyday Mom” is brought to you by JD Bailey, creator and writer at HonestMom.com.
You may have seen the hysterical post by Jason Good in which he gives you a 3-minute glimpse inside the head of his 2-year-old.
I read that again recently and thought, huh. I don’t think my head functions all that differently. Which is either a bit funny or a bit pathetic. Let’s find out.
3 Minutes Inside the Head of a 36-Year-Old
Upon waking up in the morning…
I’m tired.
I NEED COFFEE.
That person climbing on top of me better be a hungry preschooler and not a hungry husband.
Ow. That was my spleen.
Stop climbing on me so I can get my coffee.
GET OFF OF ME.
Oh look! Hubs brought me coffee!
Ahhhh, coffee.
What day is today? Monday? Wednesday? Thurfriunday?
Ooooh, pretty shiny ring. On my 3-year-old.
TAKE OFF MY WEDDING RING!
Where’s Annie? Is she still in bed?
I need to know what the weather’s like today.
Who put Dora the Explorer on?
What’s the chance that Dora could tell me if it’s gonna rain today?
So wait. What day is today? Tuesday?
OMG. It’s Tuesday. Annie’s still in bed.
Bus will be here in 39 minutes.
I didn’t make lunch yet.
Doesn’t Annie have to bring something for show-and-tell today?
Do we have peanut butter?
Man, I want peanut butter RIGHT NOW.
And chocolate.
Nutella. I want Nutella.
I must be PMSing. Or I’m pregnant.
Crap, could I actually be pregnant?
Why does my third toenail have no nail polish on it?
I have to go to Target.
Need to buy more peanut butter. And dryer sheets.
God, my spleen hurts. Or is that my appendix?
Huh. Do I have appendicitis? Nah.
God I’m tired. Hubs snores too much.
Oh. Buy nose strips for Hubs at Target.
I really hope Hubs is waking Annie up right now.
THE BUS WILL BE HERE IN 38 MINUTES!
Oy, will I ever get real curtains for this room?
Which kid has dance class today?
What is Annie crying about?
I think I have a draft due for a client today.
Or is it the school newsletter that’s due today?
Christ, there is a PTO meeting today, isn’t there?
Why is Gracie so quiet in the bathroom?
Crap. She just flushed a whole role of toilet paper, didn’t she?
Must. Get. More. Coffee. NOW.
Am I the only one whose brain functions (malfunctions?) in this way?
You can read more from JD Bailey at HonestMom.com

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