You know I’m not one to brag, but a certain recent family inheritance has come to my attention and I’m not going to say to what extent ($17.5 million) because that would be gauche, but you’re going to be seeing a lot less of me here AND a lot more of me in exotic locales.
I received a very personal email and had a gut feeling right away that it was going to be one of those good-news bad-news good-news situations. I was right. My only regret is that the email was sent on May 8th directly to my junk mail folder causing me to miss the memorial services of my deceased relatives.
I’ll share part of it with you.
Attn: Wescott (…told you, personal)
I am Chidima Oluchi, Private attorney to Late Mr. Peter Wescott, a national of your country, who used to work as an Oil & Gas servicing and distribution company (SODAMEF SARL) Oil Company in Benin Republic West Africa, Here in after shall be Referred to as my Client. On the 23st of March 2012, my Client, His wife and their three Children were involved in a car accident near Cotonou-Lome express-road. All occupants of the vehicle Unfortunately lost their lives.Since then I have made several inquiries to your embassy to locate any of my clients extended relatives but all efforts was just in vain.
After these several unsuccessful attempts, I decided to track His last name over the Internet, to locate any member of his Family hence I contacted you. I have contacted you to assist in Repatriating the money left behind by my Client before they get confiscated or declared unserviceable by the Continental Bank Republic West Africa.These huge deposits were lodged particularly, with the “Atlantic Bank Benin” where the Deceased had an account valued at about $17.5 million dollars (Seventeen Million Five Hundred Thousand United States Dollars). The Bank has issued me a notice to provide the next of kin or have the account confiscated. Since I have been unsuccessful in Locating the relatives for over this years.
Naturally, my first reaction was,
Noooooo, please no. Not the children, too. Not little Crystal, Brandi and Tundra!! They were so dear to me!!! Why would you even be on the express-road, Peter? You know how bad the traffic is there!!
I’ll be honest, I was (almost) close with Peter, but I always felt like his wife was just an opportunistic bitch who was out to get his $17.5 million (bless her heart and may she rest in peace).
Enough about them, I’m the one grieving my awaiting inheritance.
I’ve decided not to tell my husband, Brantley about any of this because he isn’t great with money. Just last week he had the oil changed in both of our vehicles when there was 200 miles of driving left before they were due. No, he can’t be trusted with this information just yet.
I will personally take charge of this situation by following the simple steps given to me by the late Peter Wescott’s private attorney, Chidima Oluchi. Some of the questions seem a little personal, but we are talking about a lot of money so that is understandable.
In the coming days and weeks you can look for me to write an open letter to anyone I have ever disliked, or anyone who has wronged me. Also, please give our family some privacy while we greave this loss, buy a boat and possibly all of Brangelina’s kids.