Happy New Year!

I’m hoping all of you had a wonderful holiday season and spent time with those you love and those you  don’t really love, but have to see regardless. I know I did. Thank you all so much for the Christmas cards filled with cash. Wait, did your Christmas cards not come filled with cash? Sounds like you have crappy friends.

Here we are once again at the dawn of a new year. 2012 seems to have flown by in the blink of an eye. Let’s take a look back at a few of the things we learned.

  • Mayans were as good at making calendars as Honey Boo Boo is at speaking English. 
  • Football really does matter to some folks, as evidence by an Alabama fan sexually assaulting an LSU fan after the BCS championship game. #keepingitclassy
  • I actually do NOT have gorilla boobs. (That was a close one.) 
  • Seaweed IS a snack.
  • The mullet is alive and well all-over the United States. 
  • Buddy races are NOT meant for husbands and wives. 
  • Despite my efforts to raise awareness of the needless “self-ies” posted daily on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram, they continue to happen. I will continue to spread the word in the hopes of reaching at least one person. 
  • Amish people take vacations. Albeit crappy vacations, but who knew?
  • A lady named Patricia Krentcil may or may not have put her ginger kid in a tanning bed. Even if she did, it’s probably the least bad decision she made all year. 
  • Disney World hates the Wescott’s and the feeling is mutual. 
  • I was named 2012 Trophy Wife of the year, catching me completely by surprise for the ninth year in a row. 
Whew! That was a busy year. I can’t wait to see what 2013 holds. Happy New Year! And remember, if you live in my neighborhood and you shoot off fireworks after 10:30 tonight, I’m calling the cops on your ass. Take care now. 

Almost Wordless Wednesday

Yes, I just realized that today is Thursday (oh, the plight of the stay-at-home Mom) which, for the record makes me lazy AND absent-minded. I make up for it by being really honest, though. 
Here are a couple more photos from the Muddy Buddy race. 
Not cute.

Brantley- “I put my chapstick in my mouth so it wouldn’t get muddy in my pocket.”
“Of course you did.”

The Columbia Muddy Buddy: A Marriage Boot Camp

Today is Monday and my energy level has only now returned enough to rehash Saturday’s race known as, the Columbia Muddy Buddy. As the name suggests it was a buddy race. My partner was, you guessed it, Brantley Wescott. Suffice it to say, it was a dark day for our marriage. 

When we signed on to do this crazy thing the description said it would be somewhere between three and four miles, so I trained by running three and a half miles at a time. Finding out two days before the race that it was going to be four and a half miles was a little discouraging, but what was one more mile, right?
I started out strong and steady. We paced ourselves so as not to run out of steam too early. I had to save energy for the ten military style obstacles that were ahead. About every half mile there would be an obstacle. We climbed up and over several cargo nets, scaled an eight and a twelve foot wall (read: Brantley threw me over an eight and twelve foot wall), as well as a few other things that are hard to explain.
Another thing that wasn’t mentioned in the race description was the mountain we had to climb. You’d think they’d remember an enormous detail like that. To take it a step further, the entire race was a path that had been cleared going up, down and around a mountain. This made it impossible to run, even for the show-offs who would cling to this tree or that to keep from sliding back down. All up and down this mountain people were seated or leaning on a tree trying to catch their breath. This is the place where things got ugly for me. I failed to mention that the night before I had tripped and broken one of my toes. I have great timing. There was nothing I could do but tape it up and go. It hurt but wasn’t excruciating, that is until I met the mountain.
As I chugged slowly forward following several steps behind Brantley, he turned around to look at me. “Come on,” he said. “Put the move on it.”
“Ok, look. I’m not going to make it off this mountain. You go on ahead for supplies. Bring back something to make a hammock.”
He wasn’t being sympathetic and the space between us had widened. “Oh, stop it. Just come on,” he said and with that began climbing even faster.
“Screw you and screw this mountain!”
Brantley had heard enough and proceeded to ascend all the way to the top without his buddy. My tortoise pace continued up the mountain when I saw what angered me even more. Brantley had become bored from waiting on me and was on his way back down to get me and climb back up again. I said some very bad words, but ultimately put him to use by pushing me from behind. That was all I needed, just a little help for the last fifty or so feet. When we finally made it to the top I turned to look at all the people still climbing up behind us. Losers. But, the celebration was over. We still had two and a half miles to go.
There came a point around the last mile and a half when I began having cold chills. There were goose bumps all over my arms and legs. I was fairly certain that it wasn’t a great sign, but we were in the middle of nowhere and there was no telling where the next water station would be. So I kept going. The next obstacle was a giant inflatable slide covered by a cargo net. I climbed the cargo net to the top then went down the slide. When I lost my stomach on the way down a wave of nausea hit me. I walked over to the water table and started drinking. One of the volunteers said something to me to which I replied, “I’m sorry, but I can’t hear you because my ears a ringing so loudly.”
“Hurry up and come on,” my partner urged, so off we went. “Why are you shaking?” Brantley asked ever so insensitively.
“Because I’m cold,” I said with a look that meant, “Don’t ask anymore stupid questions.”
The next obstacle came about a half mile later. It was a balance beam. I was in no shape to balance on anything, so reluctantly I had to pass. Fortunately, there was only another mile to go and we finally made it to the end. The very last obstacle was the giant mud pit through which you had to crawl under a net. Mud had never felt so good.
And that was the Muddy Buddy. It was over. Believe it or not, I had a good time. As awful as I made it sound, there was never a point when I regretted being out there. I did regret not having trained in the heat more (I trained mostly in the early morning). Heat intolerance was a definite factor in my performance, but we finished and we weren’t last. Even though I hadn’t completed every obstacle and I had to be partially pushed up a mountain, I was proud of myself. I may even do it again one day.

Starting line

Finish line in the distance to the right
Before the race
Everyone hosing off after the race