Luke-isms (Now coming from the mouth of a 5-year-old!!)

My little guy turned five a couple of weeks ago, and just like his Mommy, he managed to stretch out his birthday celebration for almost three weeks. 

He was paid a visit from Aunt Heather and Uncle Sid, who came all the way from Mobile, AL. There was fishing, water balloon fights, and some serious arts and crafts. 

Then came visits from the grandparents!! Luke got to celebrate with each set of grandparents separately. It’s a pretty awesome thing when you have three sets!

Celebrating with friends…

And after all of that celebrating, it was time to settle down and have some snuggle time with his Dad, his dog, and his new stuffed octopus. 

“Guess what I named my octopus, Mom?”

“I have no idea. What did you name it?”

“His name is Octopussy.”

(Mom gets up and leaves room.)

2013 Easter Games Recap

The yucky weather yesterday kept our family indoors, but didn’t dampen our spirits. There was still plenty of fun to be had with an indoor egg hunt and Easter bonnet competition. 

As you can see below, the competition was stiff. 

However, in the true spirit of Easter there can only be one winner. Alas, it was me. I was so surprised that I barely had a victory speech prepared. In it, I thanked Jesus and Goodwill for making the perfect Easter bonnet possible. I should also thank my chiropractor who I’ll be seeing later today after balancing a porcelain rabbit (with legs duct taped inside a lamp shade) on my head for far too long. Even as I write this, I should be wearing a C-collar. 

Don’t forget that Emily Dean Photography is coming to Nashville this week. It’s time for the Wescott’s to update their family portrait. I can’t wait to see my family through her lens! Click HERE for details. 

Most Wonderful Time of the Year (Video)

(To the tune of “It’s the Most Wonderful Time of the Year”)
It’s the most horrible time of the year.
Politicians are yelling, then about-face telling you, “Be of good cheer!”
It’s the most horrible time of the year.
It’s the crap crappiest season of all
With black Friday seething,
then stomping and beating on people who fall.
It’s the crap crappiest season of all.
There’ll be family you’re hosting
And black eyes from boasting
And people thrown out in the snow.
There’ll be mean sober Lori,
Then sloppy drunk Lori
From holidays long, long ago.
It’s the most dreadful time of the year.
There’ll be much mistletoe-ing
And fear will be growing when uncles come near
It’s the most dreadful time.
(I think I might drink myself blind.)
It’s the most god-awful time of the year.  

Sunday Fun-Day

It’s Sunday Fun-Day here at Wescott manor. By the way, I’m considering shortening the name of our home to simply, “The Manor.” Soon after I will probably shorten it to just, “The.” Be on the lookout for all of that to happen. At any rate, we’ve done quite a bit of lounging as required per the Sunday Fun-Day rule book. Allow me to familiarize you with the rules.

  1. No plans can be made in advance that could interfere with Sunday Fun-Day.
  2. Everyone must stay at home, and in their pajamas. Lounge wear is an acceptable alternate attire (AAA- for short) providing that said lounge wear was slept in the previous night. 
  3. Watch plenty of TV.
  4. Read
  5. Nap
  6. Relax. Stress is not allowed.
  7. Do your darndest to NOT leave the house. If you MUST leave the house, then you can only do so in your pajamas/lounge wear. Everyone knows appearing in public wearing decent day-time clothing can lead to making plans. See rule 1. 
  8. Keep to a minimum ANY activity that requires you to wear a bra.
Frequently, or Never Been Asked Questions
  • Q: Is cooking or doing crafts allowed on Sunday Fun-Day?
  • A: What sometimes is considered to be work during the week, has a different meaning on SFD. As long as the activity brings the individual enjoyment, then it is allowed. However, if a person feels compelled to do something, it then becomes a “task,” and is therefore prohibited. 
Today has definitely been a successful SFD, although if I’m being honest I have to admit that Luke did jangle my nerves quite a bit while using his Tag reader earlier. He kept selecting the same word over and over. I shouldn’t have to tell you that the word was, “do.” After hearing it about fifty times in a row I looked over to see him vehemently stabbing at the book with the Tag pen. I almost scolded him, but instead counted to ten and made some chamomile tea. That’s how we do Sunday Fun-Day at The. 

Engagement Fiesta-palooza

Saturday night we hosted an engagement fiesta for my brother-in-law and his lovely fiancé. As far as I know, it went off without a hitch. However, if you were there and happened to notice any hitches just keep it to yourself. We ended up having right at fifty people in attendance, and the weather couldn’t have been nicer. The Mexican fare was amazing and the thanks for that goes entirely to Molly Wright of Sweet William Celebrations.

I promised pictures, so here you go.

Keeping it classy, as always.

Invitation. On a matte. In a frame.
Outdoor seating in the daylight. Hard to tell,
but there are fifty lanterns hanging on the fence and trees.
Nothing caught on fire.
Craft table where the kids got to decorate maracas. 
This is a table. (I’m great at writing captions.) 
My cute husband.
The happy couple.
Leland and Alyssa, aka Lelyssa
Amazing cakes by Molly Wright

Hard to believe that no one got traveler’s diarrhea from such an authentically Mexican party. As an added bonus, I didn’t drink to intoxication as I tend to do when I’m nervous about hosting a party. This officially makes me an adult. How do you say, “Winning,” in Spanish?

Road Trip- Birmingham Edition

At my little sister’s behest, I went to Birmingham over the weekend to meet the rest of her bridesmaids. Having vowed not to take Luke on another road trip alone, we were accompanied by my loving baby Daddy. Brantley and Luke dropped me off in Birmingham at my sister’s house, and they proceeded to spend the day with my parents.

Fun was had by all. My older sister, Heather, was there and I got to spend some time with her and Leigh’s other bridesmaids, as well. We went to the downtown art walk, and then went to dinner. There was a lot of talk over where we would eat. Everyone wanted sushi. Then, someone said, “But, Lori doesn’t eat sushi.” Well, I wasn’t about to be the one that killed the whole night. I explained that I had only eaten it a couple of times, and that I just didn’t know what to order. I wasn’t worried about not finding something I liked. Like my son, I will pretty much eat anything. So sushi it was.

I had Heather order something for me because she knows my food likes and dislikes. Our entrees came and I dug in, sort of. It was disgusting. I cannot even describe the tastes and textures that were going on inside my mouth, but I didn’t say a word. “If this is what good sushi tastes like, then I’ll just be polite and eat my food,” I thought to myself. Heather looked over at my plate and asked for a bite. I said “yes,” but was thinking, “Someone, anyone, please take some of this food off my plate.” Heather gagged. “Lori, that’s disgusting. Have you been eating that? That’s really, really bad sushi.” My plate was sent back and I shared with Heather. When you add to that evening one-too-many glasses of wine, the damage to my body had been done.

When I got back to my parent’s house Luke was already asleep, but had an almost constant cough throughout the night. I laid in bed with him and could hear him wheezing from across the bed. He’s allergic to cats- two of which my parents have. However, in the past it has taken several days of exposure to bring him to that point. To make matters worse, we had forgotten (yes, forgotten) his inhaler when we changed suitcases at the last minute. After he had coughed and cried himself awake for the fourth time we decided we had to go home. The time was five-thirty and we had an approximately three and a half hour drive ahead of us.

We said our goodbyes and headed home in the car. What had just been a cramp in my stomach through the night started feeling worse. I have no idea how fast he must have been driving, but Brantley whipped the car into our driveway at 9:43 AM, and that was with four stops for me to throw up.

It was quite a whirlwind trip and I was more glad than ever that I hadn’t had to do it alone. Three cheers for Brantley who can add to his list of talents- blowing Luke’s nose as he sits in the backseat while simultaneously driving a car (with his knee), and holding my hair back.

Opryland Hotel Adventure

Our holiday cheer got a kick start over the last few days as we immersed ourselves in the grandeur that is the Gaylord Opryland Hotel. We visited the Dreamworks Madagascar Ice exhibit which was amazing in its own right. The giant ice slides at the end were a favorite of Brantley and Luke. I stayed far, far away from that slide. I was NOT going to break my by nose crashing into a block of ice.

Brantley enjoying the slide

Inside the ice exhibit it was a frigid eight degrees.  Some people wanted to take their time and see everything, but a quick walk through would’ve been good enough for me.  To my dismay, Luke was being defiant and Brantley decided to place him in timeout right then and there.  Considering the temperature I wondered who was REALLY being punished.

Time out

After the ice exhibit, we went back over to the hotel where Luke got to meet Po from Kung Fu Panda, Alex the lion, and King Julian from Madagascar, Shrek, Princess Fiona, and Puss in Boots. It was very magical, indeed. Luke also sat in Santa’s lap and told him what he wanted for Christmas.

Puss in Boots with Luke
Santa was inquiring about those fancy shoes. 

MY favorite part of the trip would’ve been the beautiful hotel itself. If you’ve never been, it’s worth the drive. Waterfalls, rivers, and tropical plants combined with streets of shopping, and restaurants, all under the same roof. We ate at the Jack Daniels restaurant after hearing very good things about it.  Two of the items I ordered off the menu plainly stated that they contained lard, to which I replied, “Yes, and yes. Thankyouverymuch!” A couple of hours later I was haunted by the ghost of my gallbladder, but it was totally worth it. Totally. Worth. It.

Out of everything he encountered on our stay, Luke’s most favorite thing was the phone in out hotel room.  “Wook, Mom! It gots a cord.”

Hope you’re all making wonderful holiday memories with your loved ones. Merry Christmas!!

Holiday Memories

This post is an oldie but a goody from a couple of years ago.  Get out the cocoa because it’s about to get warm and fuzzy up in here, circa 1988!

I have fond memories of going to pick out a Christmas tree as a child. My parents, my two sisters and I would load up in our Dodge Omni and head out to what seemed like the wilderness. Most people bought their Christmas trees from a vendor in the Kroger parking lot, or went to a tree farm, but not us. Years later I would realize that we had actually been tree thieving trespassers on some strangers land, but what the hay. It was quality time together and that’s what mattered. 

One year in particular, we found the most perfect tree. It was just right in size and shape. My Dad cut it down and strapped it to the top of our car and the five of us loaded back in. We were on our way home when my dad slowed down and pointed to a different tree on the side of the road. “I think that one might be better than the one we just picked, but I’m not sure if it’s big enough. Lori, would you go stand next to it so we can see how big it is by comparison?”

“Sure, Daddy.” My sisters and I had been singing Christmas carols in the backseat, but I was happy to stop singing and oblige my father. I even felt special that he had asked me, rather than my older sister. I jumped out of the car and ran across the dirt road. When I located the particular tree I turned around to face the car. At that moment I knew I had been set up. My entire family waved out the window at me and I could hear them laughing as my dad sped away.

I was eight years old and all alone, standing next to someone else’s tree, on someone else’s property like a big jackass. It doesn’t get much worse than that. Down the road I saw my dad backing the car up to come back and get me. I considered not getting back in, but I didn’t have a lot of options. My family had a good laugh at my expense. “You should’ve seen your face,” and “That was so funny!” was all I heard the whole way home.

“Yeah,” I thought. “Really funny”. I wish the police had driven by. I could’ve told them what happened and my parents would’ve gone to jail on Christmas. Trespassing, stealing, and child neglect- that would show them. I made the ride home as unpleasant as possible for everyone by singing Christmas carols non-stop, and at the top of my lungs. An hour and twenty minutes later we arrived home and they all clamored out of the car. I may not have abandoned them on a deserted road, but I had gotten under their skin and I took solace in that. My real revenge would have to wait, though. I knew there was a jolly fat man watching and I needed to act the part.

Flash forward about twenty years to a slight fear of abandonment. Go figure.

I’m Baaaack, And You Thought You Were Safe…

I’m writing to you from the naughty mat. A good blogger wouldn’t have gone a full week without so much as a Luke-ism, but I have a good excuse. I’ve been busy. Last Monday was Halloween, and I had to function as a single parent. My son refused to wear his costume, and when he found one suitable he wouldn’t leave our yard. Instead, he helped me give out candy after he greeted everyone with, “Happy birthday! Welcome to my shed.”

Last minute tiger costume.

Baxter was a turtle.
Thankfully, I saw NO skanky girl costumes this year! Way to hang, Nolensville. I did, however, have to issue a candy penalty to a teenager in black face. After telling him that his costume was racist, I handed him a pack of raisins, and told him to get off my porch. Brantley was so sure we would be egged, but so far so good.  At eight o’clock I gave all of our remaining candy to a vampire, and we headed inside for bath time, and to pack my suitcase.

The next morning I was dropped off at the airport by Brantley and Luke. There was some turbulence during the flight bad enough to cause an overhead bin to open and its contents fall out. For just a moment I regretted having flown on plane that only charged $59. “Where exactly are they cutting corners,” I wondered. Luckily, team Xanax was pulling for me, and soon after we landed in Jacksonville. 

I had a brand new niece waiting to meet me in St. Augustine. This is the part where my blogging took a backseat. There was much-needed family time to catch up on, and I reveled in it. I did too many things to mention, some of which included:
  • Snuggled my nieces.
  • Caught up with my sister-in-law regarding too many things to mention.
  • Quality time with eldest niece (almost 14) discussing all things Bieber and Kardashian, and playing hair. There was bonding over dry shampoo.
  • Got to hear my eldest niece drop the first ever F-bomb in front of her Mom. (Hilarious. With all of the gasping of air, I’m surprised the baby didn’t turn blue from oxygen deprivation. I later got in trouble (ME!) for having consoled eldest niece with, “Don’t get upset. If you get in big trouble, just tell me. I’ll buy you anything, just don’t be sad.”)


So that’s what I’ve been up to. Told you I had a good excuse…

Riding, Resting and Relaxation

I’m glad to be writing to you from sunny Destin, FL where the Wescott three are enjoying a little R&R. Luke has been living it up pretty hard which has required Brantley and I to check him a few times. One instance was over a comment he made to some pedestrians while we were driving the golf cart. Brantley poignantly explained to him why it wasn’t alright to say, “Get out of the way of my Jeep!”

This morning I wasn’t feeling like going for a run so I opted to ride a bike to the Baytowne Wharf and back to the house. Historically speaking, my bike riding skills are less than stellar, but I hung in there and completed my journey. The best part was when Brantley and Luke pulled up alongside me in the golf cart and Luke shouted, “Mom, you’re on a bike? You be kiddin’ me, right?” I would’ve responded with something snarky if I hadn’t been panting so hard. Afterwards, I collapsed into the jacuzzi and shouted for Brantley to, “Fix me a milkshake!”
I think that’s the first time I have pedaled anything since a spin class instructor politely asked me to leave her class because she thought I was going to faint. However, after today I may be changing my Christmas wish list from Segway to bike. (Although, I still really, really, really want a Segway. No pressure.)