Date Night

Brantley and I had a date night on Friday. We went to the movies to see Bridesmaids, which was hilarious, and when the movie let out it was pouring down raining. Like a perfect gentleman, Brantley set out to retrieve the car so he could pick me up at the door and I wouldn’t have to get wet. (I don’t believe in umbrellas, but that’s a story for another time.) He pulled up to the sidewalk in front of the theater, reached across the passenger seat, and flung the door open. “Get in!” he shouted, but I didn’t…because it wasn’t me. A few feet away from me stood a girl wearing an outfit similar to mine, who most likely thought she was about to fall victim to the laziest kidnapper of all time.
I stood watching all of this from afar and, after he realized his error, he pulled up to where I was standing. “Was she not interested?” I asked. “Negative,” he responded, “But you’ll do.”
It was a truly romantic evening.

Happy Marriage Tips

In order to maintain a long and healthy marriage avoid ever asking your wife, “Are you wearing a bra?” Nothing good can come from the awaiting conversation. If you are lucky she will answer you abruptly. However, if you aren’t lucky, she will answer your stupid question with her own question. “Do you think I’m wearing a bra?” If you find yourself up this creek, try and change the subject to something nostalgic, like how magical your first date was. Chicks love stuff like that. Then, ask her if she would like something to drink, or perhaps a foot rub. Hopefully by then, she will have forgotten your insensitive faux pas and the fact that her nipples are being pinched by the elastic waist band in her granny panties.

Now let’s say you weaseled your way out of trouble for the last question, and you ignorantly assume her reaction to the foot rub means that she is ready for a roll in the hay. Under no circumstances is it ok to replace foreplay with the line, “Hey, you busy?” Whether you’ve been married a week or a half century, the sound of your voice is most likely no longer giving her goose bumps so you’re going to have to try a little harder. (I’m not naming names.) In the end, you will be pleased with the result and so will your wife.

Remember fellas. They cook your meals. They clean your house. They raise your kids AND provide a much needed second income. It would be wise to keep them in good spirits.