Acne & Ignorance- A Dangerous Combo

I’ve joked before about my Terminal End Stage Acne Disease (TESAD), and while that was a bit of an exaggeration (and perhaps a made up disease) I’m still a thirty-one year old with the complexion of a fifteen year old.

My dermatologist has opted to put me on Accutane, which is a medication with serious implications to a fetus, should you become pregnant. I’m not at risk for pregnancy for reasons that are none of your business, but the FDA wants to make doubly sure that no one gets pregnant while on this medication. In addition to the rigorous hoops you have to jump through to prove you aren’t pregnant, you are also required to sign more paperwork than required for buying a house.
My favorite part of this whole process is making sure that everyone knows what causes pregnancy in a booklet called, Separating the Myths from the Facts. I do realize that the majority of people who take this medication are teens, but I was greatly disturbed to realize what some of today’s myths are. I’ll share a few with you. Keep in mind the language used is targeted toward teenagers.
  • You cannot get pregnant if you do it standing up.
  • You cannot get pregnant if you have sex underwater.
  • “My partner said he is sterile because he had mumps, and he hasn’t gotten anyone else pregnant.”
  • Sexually active means you have to move during sex. If I do not move, I cannot get pregnant. (My personal favorite. This particular myth makes me want to find a teenager and punch them in the gonads.)
If today’s youth actually subscribe to these myths, then they have problems far worse than acne to attend to. This is why there is a show called 16 and Pregnant. Maybe somewhere there is a chemist coming up with an acne treatment that also causes sterility. 

Texting with Caution and April Foolery

One week ago today, I received a text message from my little sister. It stated plainly, “I just left the doctor and I’m two months pregnant.”

“What?” I thought. My little sister, Leigh, just graduated from college and is, in no way, ready to have a baby. I immediately began calling and texting her, but I got no response. About that time, our eldest sister called me. “Ummm, have you talked to Leigh lately?” she asked. As it turned out, she had gotten the same message too.

“I can’t believe this!” I told her. “She didn’t even call us to tell us about this. Are we that low on the totem pole that all we get is a crappy little text message. She didn’t even use an exclamation mark OR put a sad face.” My older and wiser sister interrupted, “Oh crap!” she said. “It’s April fool’s day.”

A sly April fool’s prank wouldn’t be out of the ordinary coming from me, but from sweet little Leigh, it had taken us by surprise. Immediately our tone changed from that of concerned sisters to revenge plotting renegades. I knew she had some major payback coming, but it would require some thought and delicate planning.

Imagine my elation a few hours later, when I heard that in her attempt to send the false pregnancy announcement to me, and only me, her scheming little fingers had pushed, “send to all.” With one wrong push of a button she had notified scores of people that she and her boyfriend were going to be parents. Aunt, co-workers, friends and, of course, my parents ALL received the message. Suffice it to say, she had some explaining to do and quite a few calls to return. I felt justified in the end. Her punishment had definitely fit her crime, and most importantly, I had the last laugh. In the future I’m sure she will text with caution lest she receive another quick return on her cell phone karma. Leave the pranks to me, little sis. I’m the professional. :)