Luke-isms: An Unwelcome Tub-side Chat

Here is your latest installment of Luke-isms, as promised.


It had been a particularly trying day as I attempted to get housework, writing, and Luke business taken care of. It was the kind of day that Brantley received a text message from me saying, “Have fun at the gym after work because when you get home, he’s all YOURS.”

Brantley got home that evening and I headed upstairs to take a bath.

“I just need ten minutes to myself,” I told him.

The tub had no sooner filled and I turned off the water to relax when I heard the door open. A familiar sound followed. It was the sound of Luke dragging his stool slowly across the bathroom floor. He parked it right next to the tub and sat down.

“WHAT are you doing? And where is your Dad? I’m trying to take a bath, Lucas. I just want some privacy.”

“It’s ok, Mom. I’ll just sit here and watch you quietly.”

“No. No. No! Brantley, where are you?” I shouted.

Brantley popped his head in the door. “Luke, leave Mom alone. She’s trying to take a bath.”

“Ok.” Luke said as he hopped off his stool. Then, he stopped. “Oh Mom, just one more fing. I know we’ve talked about this before, but I forgot. What happened to your penis, again?”

“Lucas Payne Wescott, girls don’t have penises…”

He interrupted, “Oh, that’s right. Baginas. Baginas. You have baginas.”

I wished for someone to hold my head under the water until I stopped struggling.

I wasn’t asking for the world. I just wanted ten minutes alone. With my baginas.

Stay tuned for the next installment of Luke-isms where Luke spanks himself as he shouts, “Don’t ask any questions, Mom. Just trust me. I deserve this.”

Luke-isms: Warming up to Kindergarten

Luke’s reluctance to start Kindergarten next year has been unwavering.

That is, until recently.

For months, any time the topic of conversation turned to Kindergarten he made sure to interject, “But I’m not going ’til I’m six! You can’t make me go, yet.”

He was less than enthusiastic.

However, when a little boy in his preschool class started talking about how he couldn’t wait “to go to the big school next year” things started to change.

He was getting a positive opinion from one of his own peers and right away I could tell he was warming up to the idea.

A few days later when driving past the school I heard a mumble from the backseat. “Well, they DO have a nice playground.”

Score! The tides were beginning to turn.

It was only a couple of days later that a family friend asked, “So Luke, what are you going to do in Kindergarten next year?”

Without a second thought he answered confidently. “Well, I’ll prob-uhly do some arts and crafts, learn some geography aaaaand do some parkour.”

I decided not to tell him that the county doesn’t have a parkour curriculum in place. I’ll let that responsibility fall on his teacher. God bless her. All I have to do is get him in the door.

Stay tuned for the next edition of Luke-isms when you’ll hear…