How To Behave In Public: Lesson 1

I didn’t have to practice becoming awkward. It’s something I was born with. As I continue to learn and grow, I’d like to share my journey to normalcy so that other Awkwads may learn from my mistakes. I hope each person can take something from this lesson on how to behave in public and carry it awkwardly, perhaps in a fanny pack, throughout their awkward lives.

(Side note- only Awkwads can use the word, Awkwad. Those who aren’t awkward should refer to it as the A-word.)

I was in Target a couple of days ago when I thought I saw my friend Amber. She was at a distance when I first saw her profile, but then she turned and I could only see the back of her head. I’ve learned from past experiences NOT to run up and hug (or smack on the rear) people I think I know in public.

Walking a few feet closer was clearly out of the question. I didn’t have time for shenanigans. So I pretended to look at the little girl’s clothing while shouting, “Amber!” to see if she would hear her name and look around. After my fourth try, (yeah, I’m persistent) I heard one of the Target employees say, “We have a lost child.” I turned to see this employee standing behind me and speaking into her walky-talky. There was a sense of urgency in her voice as she asked, “Ma’am what does Amber look like? What is she wearing?”

I was frozen. Mortified. I could’ve just told her that I was too lazy to walk fifty feet and see if that was my friend, Amber BUT I didn’t. My gaze held steadfast on the sparkly, pink shirt I was gripping and my awkwardness came shining through.

I just shook my head as my weak voice uttered, “Never mind. Don’t need her.”

I’m pretty sure the Target employee stood there staring at me for awhile, but much like a turtle can withdraw into its shell when it senses danger, I am able to slip into a fugue state when I sense embarrassment. I have no idea what happened for the next couple of hours, but according to the items found later in my car I made several impulse purchases before leaving Target. Then, I went to Krispy Kreme.

Amber is so high maintenance.

How to behave in Public


Parenting Magazine Interviews Author, Robin O’Bryant And Talks Favorite Blogs!

Parenting Magazine

I’m thrilled about several things.

My friend, Robin O’Bryant’s book Ketchup Is A Vegetable has made the New York Time’s best seller list and is popping up everywhere. In fact, I still have a bruise on my arm over her excitement after realizing that Ketchup was being sold in Target just last week.

“Target, Lori! TARGET!!!” (wham)

Oprah always said love shouldn’t hurt, but that’s a story for another day.

hardbackfront Parenting Magazine recently interviewed Robin for an article to talk about her book, her family, and even her favorite humor blogs. You’ll never guess who made the cut!

Will it be Maya Angelou, Deepak Chopra and Loripalooza? You’ll have to head over to Parenting Magazine and read “The Truth About Parenting: Robin O’Bryant And Her Chicks” for yourself.

(But most likely)

Here’s another fun fact. Robin’s next book, Are You There God? It’s Me, Mommy is currently available for pre-order on Amazon. It’s only a fun fact because I wasn’t there to get punched when she got the news.